I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm fucking tired.

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ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS CHOOSE.
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YET YOU CAN'T DO IT.
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COZ' YOU CAN'T MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
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This world gives me EMPTY PROMISES. I HATE IT. I FUCKIN' HATE IT.

-Nana-

sorry guys...it's been kinda sumtime i didn't blog my blog. too much has been goin' on, but so far, everything is fine. i've just started my first preschool teaching class last night. made new friends which is soooooo refreshing! dah lama tak buat kawan dgn kawan baru. i've got to know this ladies...Serene and Aini, both are preschool teachers! well, three of us kena buat group discussion about our golas and philosophy and how to execute them. macam susa gitu. but tomorrow after work, i'll be meeting them at bugis and break-fast as well. as for my lecturer, jennifer, she's so petite and kind of long-winded nyer orang but nevertheless, i can't wait to learn more throughout this class!

anyhoo, i've just got these quizzes from sis ratna and find them so true...and very useful and informative jugak...take a look!

MCM TAU TAU JEK AKU DGN BF AKU DOK JAUH....WAAKAKAKAK THIS QUIZ IS SO COOL AND TRUE!!!

BTOL SNGT!!! I LIEK ALL THE CAREERS ABOVE! TEACHINGGGG HERE I COMEEEEE!!!

What Movie Criminal Are You? created by MsMoly

Your Results: The Godfather: The Capable Criminal "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."

FUHHH BEST GAK JADI MAFIA....

well that's about it la...nothing much for now..it's just dat, i am going to meet my lovig bucuk sayang baby this saturday insya-allahhhhh...harap harap lahh duit gaji aku dah masokkkkkkk....

~nana

some people don't know what we've been thru' for the past one year and four months...we've been thru' so many hardships together...and we've spent most of our waking days and even sleepless nights and even in our dreams thinking and dreaming about each other. i don't remember one day that i've never thought about him. his face...his hair..his body scent...the way he smile..and the way he joke..the way he hold me into his arms and never want to let me go..and those tender kisses...are playing in my mind all the time. i always imagine he's infront of me..like right now....or standing or sitting next to me. and you don't know how painful everytime we have to leave each other. and you don't know how bad we cried when we have to go leaving either each other behind. i'm typing this and i'm crying. my heart is so swollen and so in pain and too much sadness and loneliness.

people might think i'm the bad person, getting involve in a relationship with a married man. but you don't know why and how all this happen. you can say whatever you want to. we don't even care. you think i'm the cause of their shaken marriage. you can say that i'm 'perampas'. you can say whatever you want to about me. but i don't care. you don't even know me. you don't even know what we went thru'. so don't even think about thinking any negative thoughts/remarks/sarcasms without even seeing it for yourself and knowing how much love we truly deeply madly in love with each other.

i really miss my boyfriend..my loving and so caring boyfriend...my bestfriend...my lover..my everything. i really miss him so much. you don't know how lonely i am here in singapore. so lonely that i have no one to talk to about my feelings. i get so terribly lonely here that i cried myself to sleep almost every night. i wish he's with me all the time. i'm so lonely...and have very little friends here. i don't have any close friend at all in singapore. and i wish i could talk and pour out my feelings about how i truly feel my love for him. at least, i would feel a little better. i just want people to understand what i went thru but instead i bottled up my feelings of sadness and loneliness inside me. the only way i can make myself a little better is to cry.

i have friends in kl, though not many...they are my ever close friends who are so caring..so thoughtful..so loving..so understanding. i can't ask anything more than these from you guys. you know who you are right? the best of all and everything, my loving boyfriend is in kl too. and then why am i here? in singapore? i miss kl...there's so much for me over there and there's so less in everything for me here in singapore. i want to live there...work there...have fun there...but never here. it was never here. my boyfriend knows how much i want to stay there and i know how much he wants me to be there with him all the time.

so what makes everything so hard on me?

all i need to get is a good job there, and everything will be a little easier..i won't say it's gonna be smooth and easy at first, but things will get better for me,and for him and for us. or else i get so depressed with myself if i'm going to be here all my life.

like i said, you might not know what we've been thru. but just give us a little understanding and time...soon you'll see why he is meant for me and i am meant for him and the love we have are meant for each other.

i love you sayang...terlalu merindui dan cintai akan diri abang disana. baby hanya mencintai abang dan perlukan abang dalam hidup ini.

so many tissues on my table.......good night. thanks for your listening ear.

~nana

another freaking mmm...2 days more and i'm off to KL!!! gonna meet my friends and my babydedek...hahaha...so cute wanna rip your heart opennnnn..hehehehe gore plak. after raising some money,  now i can keep my mind at peace. nak gi genting kena bawak extra duit. tak bleh budget sngt, nnti jadik mcm bangkok. perghhhhh wat a freaking memory lane with the badboys. tak nak pikir lagik lah. so me...dedek..ratna...ijan...gonna go genting...fuyohhhh...rented out an apartment where we can cook! it's gonna be lotsa funnnn!!! ada ke si ratna and ijan suroh kita buat dinner!!! hahahaha..tapi cool sngt...kita team dinner...dorang team breakfast..cantek lah tuh...dinner stakat makan nasi dgn kicap je..apaaaa??? nak telorrrr?? sori ekkk...ayam semua penat nak bertelor...wakakakakak...heehehee ekekeekekeke gelihati plak...well guys...jgn worryyy ok...i dgn deck akan masak speciality kitaaaa...haaaaa ada ah..mana bleh bilang..tp dgr gr you all team breakfast nak masak mee hoon and ada fishballs ek?? ada telor dadar gak ekk?? alahaiiiii ingtkan nak buat bende yg sama wakakakaka...well for sure i dgn deck blum plan btol btol sngt..i tgh tunggu dia masok ym nak chat dgn i nie..then nak bincangkan pasal menu dinner kitaaa..woohoooooo...

ok lah sis...nnti jumpa yer...yg kita plan tuhhhh....

nak nengok criminal minds la on the telly! byebye!

p/s: abgbucuk..so nice the liriks....nak kiss kiss...muahhhhh

~nana

my head feels so heavy....my neck is so tense...kepala pening semacam...hmmmm...i've been coughing and coughing these few days and the funny thing is... i didn't smoke at all. AT ALL. mungkin yg buat slack is my working environment is fucking smoky. all my bosses and colleagues hisap rokok, except for catherine (boss' gf) she's not a smoker. and as for me, i'm a light smoker now. so light that nowwww i wonder why my chest feels so tight! the fucking side effects i think and i mesti nak kena ada minyak angik with me. right now i baru sapu minyak angin onto my chest and my nose. and i've always close my office's door everytime, expecially when i see asap terapung apung. that's when i know my other ego-boss mr wong is puffing away. dia kalau hisap kalahkan naga berapi. dia hisap like every minuteeeeeeeeeeeeeee and his fucking ashtray...ewwwwww...dia pakai you know tin susu pekat tuh?? haaa...imagine satu tin tuh..berkeladak dgn puting rokok and all the ewwwwwwww...sticky black thingy stick in the tin. so fucking unhygienic. tak tahu nak buang tuh ashtray. mendatangkan penyakit siak.

well forget abt all that, skrg ni...bsok i'm going to register for my CPT course with my mom after work! yeahoooooo!!! at last! actuallykan, i've already book la for my placement, but i've to go there and isi borang form lahhh aper laaa buat payment laaaa and nak dptkan subsidy tuh yang kena turon bsok mintak grant. can you believe it my course dari SGD$3000...i only need to pay $700. that's all. tuh yg nak buat payment separoh dulu...sis ratna...kalau you baca nie, kita dptkan hotel murah2 jer lah yer, coz' i hope you understand this month i duit mcm kacang..hehe and i nak byr my course gak. haizzz pakai bnykkkk nahh duit...

i can't wait to go to melaka with my close friends ratna...ijannnn and abang..nak makan nasi lemak ikan bakar....mesti yummy kan...it's gonna be like a 2hr long drive but we're gonna have fun for sure!!!

kesian abg syg kene work work work...abg take care ok bucukkkkk muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! and to sis ratna and ijan if you guys reading this, kalau jumpa tuh pakcik bangsat, apa lagik...REMBAT AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

ok pokey...me nak sleep....padahal baru bngun td kul 11 lebih...badan i dah tak se-healthy mcm dulu ah...nak kena start exercise balik... and i so not into exercising!!!!

~nana

percaya atau tidak, tadi aku balik keje...sampai umah nak dekat kul 10pm. padahal keje depan umah. yer..mmg btol tmpt keje depan umah...tp arta fuck btol..keje bertimbun timbun....naik menyampah...yang buat everything freaking slack is...boss aku buat satu system yg padanyer 'IT WORKS'. he call it the 'PENALTY SYSTEM'. not a good thing to hear pon. well, skarang nie, aku dgn kawan kerja bergabung tenaga utk buat satu database office whereby it's gonna be alot easier lah in future kalau ada database ni. well mmg btol. so kitaorang bertungkus lumus lah keje kuat, especially aku....aku bukan nak 'bodek bodek' dgn boss ke haper...NOOO NO WAYYYYY, i'm not even close to that! masalahnyer, semenjak dia buat penalty system ni, aku seperti takot bila bekerja. for every small mistake you make..dia akan saman satu orang $10.00...yang kelakarnyer, duit tuh semua akan masok kepada MAKAN FUND. tapi tak best lah...it's like mcm kita dalam ketakotan bila buat keje...of coz lah dia expect kita jgn buatm istake so this saman thingy we all must learn from it. buat keje btol so tak kene saman. tp bingit jugak lah..gaji bawak balik tak sebeberapa..ada hati nak potong smpai $10.00....duit tuh bleh buat makan for 5 days tauuuuuuuu....

well, skrg, i tak nk pikir pasal tuh...on the 16th sept im going to melaka with ranta, ijan and abg...soooooooo we're gonna hv a blastttttttttt!!! well you guys shld too...

~nana

i can't believe my ears when my boss told us that he decided to confirm us anddddddd jeng jeng jeng...we all get an increment of $100 each!!! wahduuuuu.....andddddddddd we'll be geting our incentives with effect from 15th October onwards every month...wahduuuuuuu....

Butttttt....we had more work to be done in the office...biaserlah...more pay, more work...damnnn...aper nak buat kan...tadi mcm siak jugak coz' i abis my work extra late. Pasal bnyk sngt paperwork kena buat. Haizzz...well...after work, i went to parkway with my mom like i told you guys on previous entry. we went to Dorothy Perkins and wowwwwwwwww....bnyk baju collections laaa..but when i think again, the place i used to shop for D.P stuffs was in bugis tau. even though bugis outlet lagik small, but their collection lagik lawa lawa. yg parkway..kedai besar tap tak braper lawa sngt yg dorang ada. anyhoo, i bought a straigh cut jeans, been longing to wear one of those after watching oprah winfrey show (there was this episode lah pasal jeans!) and i bought a red off shoulder boyfriend jumper. well that didn't come out from my mouth ok, it says exactly like dat on the tag. RED OFF SHOULDER BOYFRIEND JUMPER. basically t-shirt tapi kain dia lagik comfortable...and it's off shoulder, sumthing i've been eyeing for, for so long too! total spend on those two...jeng jeng jeng....SGD$110!!!!!!!!!!!! tak pernah aku spend bnyk gitu on clothing!

so blanja my mom gi makan at Banquet. normal lah mym om suker kway teow goreng kerang...suker nah goreng goreng...mcm my abang buchuk jugak...hehehehe...and i makan homemade noodles seafood dumpling tomyam bah-mian. wat a mouthful ek! sedap la...pasal dah lapar giler dari keje kan...my mom makan ice kacang and i makan red ruby for desserts. too bad tak dpt snap photos, i tak bawak camera la!

welllllllllll...tomorrow is THE DAY! rindu giler kat abang bucuk...dia skrg tgh jamming...kesian dia bnyk keje he told me in the office. tak abis abis kena buat BM form 3 nyer keje. well wat to do, baby pon mcm gitu syg...keje office tak abis abis.

well rasa mcm ngantok plak nak take a nap la...you guys take care ok!

~nana

i'm not sure whether abg is gonna read this...but abang kalau baca blog nie...sorry sayang...baby tertido ah...tak sadar...bangun kul 3pagik! perasan yg abg ada kasi offline msg abg ada buzz baby. sori sayang terribly sorry. mentally penat...kat ofis bnyk bende kena buat...aduh...

well i can't wait to see my only sayang tomorrow...need the rest mannnn after 5 days of working shit in the office...need a body massage la...abang nnti massagekan ok? hehehehe...and we've planned to watch BENEATHE STILL WATERS...i've never seen the trailer before...but i've read the synopsis...looks ok..you should see the big poster hangin' in the city square jb mall...fucking hugeeee...and the poster damn gore jugak. so mmmm...well kita expect movie nie gore jugak lah kan.

my not-so-big fat pay cheque will be in today after 2pm. haiyah...terok ah this month...gaji mcm kacang...but mcm mana pon kena bersyukur right....rather than takder gaji langsung. gonna give my mom..tolak tepi utk baju kita order from RH fashion...exclusive baju raya from freaking boutique...tapi ada discount la...3 pasang $150...ok la..mine is baju kebaya panjang...nak pakai kebaya ketat...tapi badan i blum cukop montok. wakakakakak..prasannnn nak mampoz! heehehehe well..i'm going to parkway today after work with mom maybe...if she's ok that is..she complains of headaches lately...i ask my bro to teman kan her to the doctor...i'm afraid it might be either high blood or low blood..usually the symptoms are like that. Mom's head spinning like washing machine. So it's better she go for a check up.

I wanna get a pair of jeans la...and a top from either Dorothy Perkins or that Sant Rolane...they've got nice clothes but biaser ah..mahal...and i wanna go layered my hair for real in a hair saloooonnnnnnnnnnn...you know whyyyyyyyyy coz' few days back..out of stress, i went to chop my hair off all the wrong places myself! And I dyed my hair all black. Sick of making it brown sumtimes. Need a change. Badly. My entire wardrobe is looking like a pile of junk. Need to sort my clothes out. Need a different image lah.

well...tak sabar nak jumpa sayang buchuk abg.....catherine, my colleague tak jadik plak nak balik johore bsok with me. she got some orang kawin to attend with my boss. she's my boss's girlfriend by the way. my nicer boss. hehehe...damn...he said there's good news for the staff, i wonder wat....extra pay? incentives? probabtion ends? aiyahhhhhhhhhhh.....

ok lah...think gonna sleep again...tomorrow another hard day's work. gotta do fucking reports!!!!! and i hate ittttttttttttttt!!!!

~nana

seriously this blogdrive drives me fucking nuts sumtimes! i can't even open my blogdrive or even my abang's blogdrive! slow nak mampoz....well if you guys happen to read this mmg nasib lah pasal you guys dapat enter page ni....ada masa mcm siak btol tak bleh masok pon!

well, i decided to change my blog soon. i decided to do my own blog MEANING i'm not gonna use any blog hosting service. im just gonna do a web template and blah blah.

so how is it going for you guys out there? hope work is fine. your love life is great. haha...bsok merdeka ek...my baby kesiannn kene keje....merdeka kat office lah nampaknyer...wat to do...me oso stress with my job sumtimes. it's really pain in the ass coz i have to do many paperwork everyday. kira mentally im fucking tired. that's why when i reach home from work, i eat then sleep. wait wait...i eat...tgk tv skjap then go to my room and take a nap. like 3-4 hours nap. then woke up like in the middle of the night, switch on my pc, sign in my ym and msn, wait for abang to go online. hehehehe..haiz...rindu....

i can't wait for this saturday to come. really can't wait. i'm just gonna relax and fun with abang.

~nana

its 8.20am now...i bath and dah tukar pakaian semua nak get ready gi kerja...but the problem is....malas sngttttttttttttttttttttttt nak gi kerja. confirm keje berlambak nak kena settle.

i've got 2 days mc, so today i've got to get back to work, why can't lah the doctor give me until next monday ek...alang kepalang jek...hehehe...i miss my baby very much...dapat tak 2 sms yg ratna bagi smlm? tido awal ke abang? ada hal terlalu penting nak cakap dgn abg...baby nyer kredit dah tinggal braper sen...tak bleh sms out lah at the current moment.

shitttt...i don't even want to go to work today bcoz' there's this thing on my mind which i need to tell abang. got to drag my feet now...dragggg....dragggggg...ishhhh...i'm so freaking in miseryyyyyyyyy....

sesiapa ada jawatan kosong kat KL? post graphics ke...teaching (tadika/taska) ke....sila bagitau i....

~ nana